Arsenal is not helping


#21

Hmm, that’s true.
It applies to me as well but good point.

Good point.


#22

From what you’ve described I don’t think that was true for her. If you love someone you don’t just shut them out over a small mistake, or even a series of them. You didn’t hit her, sounds like you didn’t even really have an argument but she treated you like shit anyway. You’ve treated her like shit subsequently too so i don’t see what would be in the relationship for either of yous at this point to continue this doomed chase of yours.

Remember the good times as good times, don’t fucking lament them, that just makes a nice thing not nice.


#23

She has done that before. But this time I think what happened to her friend really messed with her head.
She even said to our mutual friend that she was happy before the trip, not after.

She wanted an escape from it via this trip but I gave her a new burden.

I really can’t find an issue with her treatment given her state of mind. I just wished a month long time would have given her some perspective.

Also this is all from my point of view, I don’t exactly know her reason.


#24

I think letting go of someone and a relationship you don’t want to is one of the hardest things there is in life.

Some of your behaviour towards her is not ok, waiting outside her doorstep for 5 hours or whatever it was is a seriously stalker-like move and I’m not surprised she was scared and angry.

The idea you have of ending it on a good note is simply not realistic. For one thing, it ending in any way clearly isn’t a good note for you and nothing will be enough for you no matter how amicable. I would forget about the note it ends on and simply focus on accepting that it has ended.

I say simply, but I get that that isn’t going to be a simple process. As you say everything reminds you of the whole situation. Social media and such can be a killer when life’s not going your way. I suggest mugging the whole lot of that off.

One thing will make this better in my experience, and one only - zero contact. Take it one day at a time and just have no contact at all. That will give you the space you need to deal with it, and hopefully learn that treating women the way you did this one at the end is not acceptable. But as someone said above, you didn’t hit her or do anything truly horrific and I don’t think anyone gets through life without doing something they regret to another person, or without horrible things being done to them.


#25

Yeah I guess that is also true. I think I just wanted some sort of closure and didn’t really think that any chat would have ended with me pleading to have her back.

The state I am in, my only intention is to make her re-evaluate the decision, rather than saying final goodbye.

Any goodbye I say would have been with hint of ‘bye but please rethink, I am waiting for you’

Just want to clarify that she was not home so I had to wait but I guess that changes nothing. It was indeed stalkerish and from her point of view, taking a secure stance makes sense.


#26

I am boarding my flight now.
Posting here was a good decision as I got an outlet and your comments gave me a kick up my arse to get a hold.
I managed these 5 hours really well because of your comments.

I hope I keep reading this thread and keep a hold till I move on.

Even beginning to think I should have come here earlier, that would have made sure I didn’t end up stalking her.

Do contribute any opinion, harsh or nice, as I am getting a bit greedy and want to feed on these comments more.

Thank you guys.


#27

Reading through the entire thread like

I don’t think there’s much more I can add that hasn’t already been said, but you just gotta focus on yourself now mate. If she decides at some point to do a u-turn and want something to do with you, she’ll come and find you. But you just have to leave her be and get on with your life. It’s painful, but find ways of keeping busy, something good and constructive to focus on your life.

The first few weeks/months are the hardest part, but as they say, time is a healer. I hope you’re able to find the right path again soon mate.

OA really is like the best unofficial helpline around, with the way so many open up their feelings on here, always amazes me how well we support our fellow Gooners when we need to :slight_smile:


#28

I think you’re a weird little fella and you give me a real uneasy vibe.


#29

^^^ THIS!!

I am not saying this to be cruel on someone that is down or hurt or upset, but with this i agree with AC, i honestly feel that you need to see someone.

If you are feeding off comments as some sort of energy that usually means that you have a hole in your life that needs filling and no comments or no person will change that you have to get the help you need to fix yourself before doing anything else.

DO NOT get yourself into another relationship before you fix this, because when you have a problem like this all you will do is damage anything you have with anyone, because you will become clingy and vampire like you will drain the next person and the next and you will hate yourself more and more, it is a vicious circle.

Do not take this lightly, i have seen and heard people that act like this and they do nothing and it gets worse and it emcompasses everything in their life and damages everything and they become more and more withdrawn and more and more desperate and it does lead to suicide and or harming other people emotionally or physically.

Castiel says it makes him uncomfortable and it is because it is true, the uncomfortable truth of the matter is, the way you are seemingly acting and feeling is actually quite dangerous, you are at the beginning stages of becoming unhinged because of this trauma in your life…not joking GET HELP, the stalking like behaviour alone tells me enough that you are not right emotionally and mentally because ‘normal’ people may hurt etc but they dont do these type of actions…these actions are that of an unstable person and you seem quite borderline in personality, even with the trolling that people have you renowned for on this site it seems like you need attention good bad, ugly or indifferent…this is actually dangerous.

sorry Trion you may hate me for saying this YOU MUST GET HELP!


#30

I think Mav may be inclining you should seek professional help


#31

Bit of an over reaction. He was in love and just fighting to get a girl back. Love makes you do crazy things, and the emotional trauma of losing a partner is huge. As Trion said, hes just a little lost / pathetic.

Time is a healer @Trion. Be thankful you have the distance and use the time to focus on you, rebuild yourself and just take each day at a time.


#32

not really, i have seen and dealt with a lot of break ups family friends etc,but this type of behavior is not on, almost going full on stalking is a big concern…i know that everyone deals with pain differently but sitting at someones house for hours early in the morning etc is not an act of a stable persons mind…might curl up in bed sob your eyes out punch a wall, but this behaviour (if we even in hear feel uncomfy look at the amount of likes castiel had saying this shows a lot of people feel there is an uncomfortable feeling about his actions and reasonings and behaviour) his responses etc show this is something much deeper and that he needs to seek help to get through things.


#33

Stalking is a bit of a legal grey area, and no doubt he should try counselling.

But i think you have gone a little over the top with your tone and use of caps lock.

Dudes just pathetic, heart broken and isolated. Seems clear there is no malicious intent and it was just a last ditch effort to get closure or win her back.


#34

I cant tell how many times though that someone seems like this then gets desperate and things go bad, whether it he emotionally spirals into a deep depression or his stalking attempts go up out of desperation to make a break through , from cutting to drugs to getting drunk to suicidal etc…this is what i am saying, there is an uncomfortable feeling to his posts that he is desperate, and desperate people can even surprise themselves as to how far they can go with their depression etc. I am not saying that he will go and stab someone etc but he seems extremely fragile especially in his state of mind enough that people are getting a uncomfy vibe from him…if he truly feels these intense feelings he is probably better off seeing someone to help him through it because sometimes people dont and they spiral and it can get dangerous.

If he pulls himself out of the funk fair enough but if he cannot seem to break free and do so i strongly feel he shouldnt try alone he should see someone.


#35

I hope it all works out well for you Trion. I think finding something that will keep you occupied and interested will be the best way to overcome it. It’s not something that will happen from one day to the other but is a long process, but you’ll be able to overcome it. You seem to be a smart person, it would be a shame if something like this would drag you down.


#36

I will see someone. I will check my finances and consult someone soon.

I am a harmless person and despite being a troll to distract myself from shittiness of my life, I am sensible in general.
I have never in my life taken my frustration unfairly on anyone. I have even apologized to people if I felt I offended them indirectly.
I have apologized to posters here if I felt I crossed a line.
I am an introverted but have people tell me that they trust me more than any overtly friendly person.
If you meet me in real life, I wouldn’t make an impressive image of being funny or interesting but no person can ever claim that I am out of touch, insensitive or dangerous in any sort.

I can’t justify the stalking right now but in my head at the time, it was all about a last desperate attempt to get her back.

Based on what I wrote in first post, I can see why you feel this way but I was breaking down at that moment. I don’t feel the same intense right now.

I am not completely right at the moment I guess but I don’t think I am that bad.

I will still look into it.

I can’t stalk her anymore. She lives 800km away & I can’t bear the travel any longer.
I don’t do drugs, don’t drink, smoke or have any habits.
I don’t agree with suicide.

So that leaves me with depression. I have dealt with it before. I will talk to someone and keep myself in check.


#37

Its just as much about you Trion, i dont think you could harm someone really, BUT i feel you could harm yourself though through spiralling doing stuff your regret or just getting to the stage you cannot cope or get up in the morning, its just as much about you…if you feel yourself struggling make sure you help yourself get through it even if it is not a phycologist just a strong friend that will be there to lean on and will force you through things until you feel better.


#38

I send to you all my support. You need to react, mate!


#39

@Trion time heals mate. Everyday will become easier and easier just stay strong.


#40

Trion, tbh bro you dodged a bullet by getting away from this girl. First off that long distance thing is no bueno. I mean if you are in a volatile relationship as it is, plus you’ve got the long distance thing to deal with, you are just asking for heartbreak, either sooner or later.

Just looking at the situation that made you two break up, honestly it’s bullshit. I’m married and my wife and I fight about bullshit like that all the time. Yet it’s such a big issue that she’s willing to dump you? That’s not love, it’s infatuation, and it wears off quickly. Besides she’s grumpy until noon? Lol do you want to spend the rest of your life walking on egg shells? The relationship you are describing ny the way just doesn’t sound normal to me, how long had you been dating when all this happened?

I understand how you’d like to have closure and figure out where it all went wrong, however there’s something you meed to come to terms with. You’ll never understand how women think, or the justifications they make to themselves in the decisions they make. It’s just my opinion but I’ve seen women make a lot of mistfying decisions. In pursuit of trying to find out just what the hell was going on I reacted like you before as well. Trying to keep a sinking relationship afloat. However as the guys have all said, it’s better just to let it go and cut contact completely im a situation like that. In fact the woman who I thought I would marry did something similar to me. After struggling like you with it I finally let it go and moved on. Guess what? That’s right she tried to come back into my life later and even though I had a soft spot for her, it was too late I had moved on and met my eventual wife. Thank fuck for that because my wife is a real woman, she was just an immature little girl looking back on it (im sure she’s matured by now but you can’t waste your life away waiting for stuff like that to happen).

My wife is a psychologist. It’s very normal for you not to be able to open up to your friends and family about these issues. It’s the exact reason a person goes to a professional that is experienced with stuff like this. As you’ve already noted, just venting your frustration to a random bunch of strangers has already helped a lot. If you keep struggling, go and see a councelor or psychologist.

When i had an experience similar to yours it was a long hard road to get over it. However for me I took a piece of advice I was given and it worked wonders for me. “Just live better”. Improve yourself and don’t worry about what that other person is doing. I hit the gym harder, got in insane shape, I learned how to play guitar, i went surfing a lot more, and played football a lot. It’s petty, but do you know how many hot women I met and fucked after that? Like I said when my ex came back to me and wanted in my life I had moved on and was dating a gorgeous intelligent woman (not that my ex wasnt, but it was gratifying after all she had put me through to tell her i had moved on) :grin:

So anyways sorry to ramble on about embarrassing details of my life, but the point was that woman did me a favor and my life turned out a lot better. Besides even if you do stay single think about all the benefits. You can do whatever the fuck you want without worrying about someone elses feelings.